I Asked God to Wait

I have a confession to make.

As many of you know, I recently wrote a book that shares some personal moments from my high school years. While deciding which stories to include, I found myself scrolling through old photos, messages, and notes. Some memories made me smile. Others made me cringe. A few reminded me just how much God has changed my life.

During my scrolling I came across a memory I wanted to share with you. It wasn’t the right fit for the book, but it’s too important not to share here.

During my freshman year of high school, I opened the Notes app on my iPod Touch (yes, I’m that old) and wrote a letter to God. At the time, I was struggling with intense anxiety and OCD surrounding the end of the world. If you remember the rumors about 2012 supposedly being the end, you’ll understand exactly what I’m talking about.

At that time, I knew my relationship with God wasn’t where it needed to be. I believed in Him, but I also wanted to be part of the world.

At the end of that note, I wrote a little prayer:

“Lord, I promise I’ll get right with You one day… just let me experience high school and college first.”

Looking back, I realize how silly that prayer was. I wasn’t asking God to change my heart. I wasn’t asking Him to draw me closer. I was asking Him to wait.

I wanted the parties, the experiences, the milestones, the freedom, and everything I thought the world had to offer before I surrendered my life to Him. I was more afraid that Jesus would return before I got to “live my life” than I was concerned about living faithfully for Him. And God allowed it.

He didn’t force me back. He didn’t manipulate my circumstances to make me choose Him immediately. He let me walk the road I insisted on taking.

By the end of my undergraduate years—almost eight years later—He finally ignited my fire for Him. Eight years.Eight years of chasing things that promised fulfillment but never delivered. Eight years of believing that the next accomplishment, the next experience, or the next season would finally satisfy me.

It never did.

I look back now and think about how much time I wasted. But at the same time, I see how amazing our God is. I see His patience.

Scripture reminds us of this patience in the book of Exodus. God repeatedly sent Moses to Pharaoh with a command: “Let My people go.” Yet the Bible says that the Lord hardened Pharaoh’s heart. Pharaoh had continually chosen resistance. He repeatedly rejected God’s call until his heart became firmly set in the direction he had already chosen.

God wasn’t forcing Pharaoh to become something he wasn’t. He was confirming the path Pharaoh had insisted on walking. When I read that passage now, I can’t help but think about my own life.

My heart wasn’t hardened like Pharaoh’s, but I had made my choice. I had asked God to let me pursue the world for a while longer. And He let me. Not because He stopped loving me. Not because He wanted me far from Him. But because He loved me too much to force surrender.

God invites us, convicts us, pursues us, and patiently calls us, but He does not drag us into relationship against our will.

What is so amazing about our God is that after eight years God didn’t say, “Well, you made your choice.” He welcomed me home. He redeemed every wasted year. The experiences I thought were meaningless became part of my testimony. The pain became ministry. The detours became evidence of His grace.

That little prayer from a scared freshman in high school could have been the beginning of a life permanently chasing the world. Instead, God used it to rescue me.

That’s exactly who were told God is in Romans 8:28. He truly does work all things together for the good of those who love Him.

So why am I telling you this? Because I want you to remember three things.

First, be careful what you ask God for. Sometimes He allows us to experience exactly what we think we want, not because it’s His best for us, but because He honors the freedom He’s given us.

Second, God won’t force you into a relationship with Him. He invites you, pursues you, and loves you, but He won’t compete with the idols we’re unwilling to lay down. He waits for our willing hearts.

Third, no mistake is beyond redemption. Whether you’ve wandered for eight months or eighty years, God’s grace reaches farther than any mistakes. He specializes in turning detours into testimonies.

Today, I thank God that He didn’t leave me where I wanted to stay. I thank Him that His mercy and patience outlasted my rebellion and pride.

If you’re asking God to wait while you chase the world, hear this from someone who’s already walked that road:The world will gladly take your years, but only Jesus can redeem them. Don’t spend your life asking God to wait when He’s already inviting you into the life you’ve been searching for all along.

“As has just been said: 'Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion.”

Hebrews 3:15