Sticks and stones break bones, and sometimes words do hurt.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to write about this, but I think it’s something so many of us go through… so here we go! I’m going to say this post is very personal, but I hope that through my vulnerability, you’re able to find some encouragement.

I recently had a comment made about me that I am sure no one thought I would hear/see that shook me. The comment said some unkind things about my face and weight. I’m not going to lie, seeing it hurt. As someone who’s struggled so hard this past year to retain weight, and continuing to fight an ED and stomach issues, gaining weight has always been the goal. But to hear it spoken in a negative light sent me into a spiral of hoping to lose it and some unhealthy tendencies I had to stop IMMEDIATELY.

This made me realize how much I cared about what other people said about me and see that I revert to my people-pleasing tendencies more often than I thought, which is crazy because I’ve written about it so many times thinking I was over it. Obviously, not the case.

Today, I’m not writing to the one who’s people-pleasing or the one struggling with self-image because I’m still struggling. I know those lessons will be better taught after God helps me overcome them! Today, I’m writing to the one who chooses to be unkind, because I used to be you.

Kindness is a Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). These are attributes we develop as we lay down our flesh, pick up our crosses daily, and follow Jesus! Notice I said DAILY. Meaning these attributes are some we only obtain by allowing God to work every day. Not just once or twice a week.

I would venture to say we all consider ourselves kind. We’re kind to strangers, family, friends, etc. We see kindness as an attribute we outwardly display to someone. But what about behind closed doors? Are we still being kind in conversations these people are not in?

Sadly, for most of us, it isn’t the case, but we want it to be! Personally, I wanted to be the girl people knew as kind, loving, and compassionate. Instead of the tough exterior I had put on, I wanted people to speak about how they see Jesus in me. So, as I went on a mission to refine this aspect of myself, God brought me to Matthew 12.

In Matthew 12, we see Jesus confronting the Pharisees on a variety of issues, and the Pharisees are NOT happy. Matthew 12:34-26 Jesus specifically speaks about the importance of words. He teaches that what comes out of the mouth shows what the heart is full of. Therefore, if negative and unkind words come out, that is what the heart contains….

“For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give an account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words, you will be justified, and by your words, you will be condemned”

Matthew 12:34-36

We cannot hide from Jesus. Every single word we speak holds weight we don’t even understand. That kindness we choose to share with someone to their face does not cancel out the negative things we say when they’re not in the room.

Whatever our mouths speak reveals a lot about where our hearts are. I’m not saying one slip-up is the end of the world because we are human!! I’m saying that if you’re constantly contributing to or starting unkind conversations, it’s time to check your heart. It’s time to reflect on why you feel the need to bring others down. It’s time for a heart change!

You know that phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?” As we all know, this isn’t true. They might not be able to punch you in the face, but they can definitely make you feel like you have been.

Words matter. Words have the power to build someone up or tear someone down. Consider your words whether you intend for someone to hear your comments or not. Would you say that if Jesus was in the room?

You have absolutely no idea what someone is battling behind closed doors. Consider this before you speak to or about them.