A Christian conversation about boundaries:

Boundaries are a contentious topic among Christians. The primary argument is that we should love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:30-31). While this is true, boundaries are equally important. Without them, we risk being treated as doormats.

If you’re still reading this, I suspect you’ve been struggling to find a balance between loving your neighbor and loving yourself enough to set those crucial boundaries. I used to be in your shoes. I hope to offer some truth and encouragement to your situation today!

Boundaries are not a topic we typically discuss in the Christian context. We often say, “Love your neighbor,” and forget that setting boundaries is also an act of love. I know… it’s a shocking concept! The Bible teaches selflessness, and this is no less true in today’s world. However, the Bible also emphasizes the importance of having limits. We shouldn’t let people walk all over us. You can still act with love, humility, and selflessness even if you establish boundaries.

Jesus is the perfect example of this. Although we don’t usually discuss it, Jesus had boundaries. He was human, experiencing the same emotions we do. To appease these emotions, He often withdrew from crowds to speak with His Father, took time to rest and relax, and even called out hypocrisy. In fact, He flipped a table! There are many incredible stories I could draw from to illustrate this section, but one that consistently draws me in is Jesus’s prioritization of prayer.

“But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer.” Luke 5:16

No matter what He was doing, whether it was in a large crowd or with His 12 disciples, He understood that He couldn’t fill their cups without first filling His own. Spending time with His Father was essential for Him to perform the miracles we know today. He continued to set boundaries for Himself and those around Him, such as taking time for rest and prayer, to ensure that He was fully equipped to fulfill God’s plan. The same applies to us.

How often do we find ourselves pouring from an empty cup because we don’t want to disappoint someone? How often do we allow others to take advantage of us because we don’t want to be rude or cause any trouble? Now, how often do we prioritize our own well-being and set boundaries? How often do we stand up for truth, even if it leads to disagreements? We struggle with this concept because we want to be perceived as loving, kind, caring, and dependable. Instead of setting and sticking to boundaries, we let them slip away. We often overcommit ourselves and show up even when we’re sick or exhausted, even if others don’t reciprocate. This constant overexertion eventually leads to our breaking point, and we explode.

When we reach that point of exhaustion, we can no longer achieve the Christlike goals God sets for us. We’ve reached our limit because we’ve poured our cups so dry that they’ve been sitting in the desert for a while. We keep trying to drink from them, hoping for a drop of water, but nothing comes out. Boundaries are not a negative concept; they are actually one of the most loving things we can do because they allow us to be so full that our cups overflow. This overflowing abundance enables us to effectively perform at work, minister to those who count on us, love our friends, and be there for those who need us most.

So, how do you set healthy boundaries? Let’s learn from Jesus’ example. You have limits in your mind, body, and spirit. Once you recognize these limits, you can prioritize prayer and rest. If your body can’t take it anymore, rest. If you’re having a tough mental health day, seek solace in prayer and rest. Remember, you’re not weak or letting others down by taking a break. If you’re unable to go to work due to illness, that’s perfectly okay! You’re still dependable. If you need to set boundaries with a friend or relationship, do so. You’re no less of a friend or partner because you can’t attend a dinner or get-together.

Establishing healthy boundaries allows you to act with love, humility, and selflessness. It enables you to fill your own cup so that you can pour into others. I would even venture to say that setting boundaries is a form of loving your neighbor. You’re not being rude; you’re simply prioritizing your well-being and not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. By taking time for yourself, you’re then able to give others the time they need!

Don’t get so focused on filling everyone else’s cup that forget to fill your own cup too.

Set those healthy boundaries!!