Friendship Can’t Be Built on Just Convenience

Something I’ve been thinking about lately—because of life, because of experience, because of a few quiet stings that still sit a little too close—is: You can’t only be a friend when it’s convenient for you.

I think we all know how it feels when someone only reaches out when they need something…

when they’re bored…

when they’re lonely…

or when it benefits them.

And for a while, it’s easy to excuse it.

“They’re just busy.”

“They probably didn’t mean it.”

“It’s not that deep.”

But it becomes deep when the pattern keeps repeating. It becomes deep when you show up, and they don’t. It becomes deep when you give intentionally, and they give situationally.

Friendship, real, God-honoring friendship, isn’t built on convenience. It’s built on consistency.

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One of my favorite examples of this is from the story of Ruth and Naomi.

Naomi wasn’t in a convenient season.

She wasn’t fun to be around.

She wasn’t thriving or full of life.

She was grieving. She was empty. She literally told people to call her “bitter.”

And honestly? Most people would’ve walked away.

It would’ve made sense. It would’ve been easy.

But Ruth looked her in the eye and said:

“Where you go I will go, and where you stay, I will stay.”

Ruth 1:16

She didn’t say,

“I’ll stay as long as things are good.”

or

“I’ll walk with you until it gets uncomfortable.”

No.

She loved Naomi in the middle of her mess, not just in the moments that felt light and effortless.

True friendship looks like that. Steady, loyal, not scared away by inconvenience or heaviness.

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Sometimes the most challenging part is realizing when someone doesn’t have the capacity, or the willingness, to be that kind of friend to you.

And sometimes the painful part is noticing when we haven’t been that kind of friend either.

Because showing up when it’s easy isn’t friendship, showing up when it costs something, that’s where love is tested and revealed.

And yes, boundaries matter.

Energy matters.

Seasons shift.

Not every friendship is meant to be a covenant-level relationship.

But if someone always disappears when things get real…

if they only check in when it’s beneficial…

if they’re present for celebrations but absent for valleys…

That’s convenience, not commitment.

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A verse I go to when thinking about this is:

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

Proverbs 17:17

“At all times” doesn’t mean perfect.

It means present.

It means intentional.

It means the relationship doesn’t evaporate the moment things get inconvenient.

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If you’ve been hurt by convenient friendships, hear me:

It’s not your fault for wanting something deeper.

It’s not too much to desire consistency.

It’s not wrong to expect reciprocity in relationships you pour into.

And if you’re learning to be a better friend yourself, this is your reminder that love always calls us higher.

It invites us beyond convenience into actual connection.

You deserve friendships that don’t disappear.

You deserve people who show up when it’s awkward, emotional, or messy.

You deserve the kind of community God designed, steady, mutual, and meaningful.

And the beautiful thing?

God has a way of sending the right people at the right time, people who don’t just claim friendship but actually live it out!