I’m going to be super transparent

I haven’t written for my series in a few weeks. It’s not because I haven’t been thinking about it, it's not because I don't want to, and it's not because I don't have a passion for it anymore. it's just been hard.

I have always had an anxiety disorder. at 12, I had my first panic attack in Gatlinburg after a dance competition. I’ve typically been able to manage everything well, but that’s changed because of some vast lifestyle and health changes.

though I love my job, school, and writing, I’ve had some added stressors that have been harming me physically and mentally. in October, I had some Halloween candy, which made me EXTREMELY sick. I couldn’t breathe; my throat was closing up, and honestly, I felt like I was going to die. it took me having this type of reaction a few times over the next few months to figure out that dairy products have been the cause.

this caused a new form of anxiety to spark in me. I began a new diet to fix the issue, which opened up a new problem. the new diet has not been agreeing with my already sensitive stomach, so I’m in constant fear that if I eat, I’ll either have a reaction or feel like I’m going to throw up. If you know me, you know I have an EXTREME fear of throwing up. then I get these intense tension headaches from all the anxiety that make it feel like my head is going to pop. these new issues have launched my need for many doctors and tests, which are also an EXTREME fear of mine.

anxiety has completely taken over my life and has made it the most debilitating thing for me. to be honest, I'm just trying to keep my head above water, but there's a lesson in this...

when you pursue God, the devil will try to take things and make it to where you cannot do His calling for your life. I’m writing this to say that God is still working for good! there is not one reason we should doubt Him, even in times of hardship! the devil has not and will not stop me from doing all He has called me to; it might look harder than I thought. though I walk through this challenging season, God will bring me out! I hope that whatever hard season you’re walking through, you remember His promise to you🫶🏻

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

Psalm 23:4