Know When to Distance Yourself

Sometimes stepping away from the wrong table is the first step toward sitting at the one God has prepared for you.

One thing I’ve come to value in friendships is being surrounded by people who push me to be better. The friends who lovingly hold me accountable when I’m drifting from Christ, encourage me when I’m struggling, and choose not to engage in gossip or negativity. Those are the kinds of friendships that breathe life into us, the ones that sharpen us, as Proverbs 27:17 reminds us: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

But what happens when you find yourself in a friendship that isn’t fruitful anymore? Maybe it once was, but something shifted. Maybe you’re growing in your relationship with God while they’re moving in a different direction. Maybe you notice patterns in their life that pull you toward sin instead of pointing you to Jesus. It’s difficult because your heart wants to hold on to what it was, but sometimes God calls us to let go.

I’ve had to walk through this recently. It’s painful because part of me wanted to keep hoping the friendship would go back to how it once was. But when you realize a relationship is no longer healthy for your walk with God, you face a choice: sit in comfort or pursue holiness. And as followers of Jesus, we’re called to choose Him first, even when it hurts.

Paul speaks directly to this in 1 Corinthians 15:33: “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’”That verse stings a little because it forces us to recognize how much influence our closest relationships really have. Who we spend time with can either strengthen our faith or weaken it. And if someone is consistently drawing you away from Christ, the most loving thing you can do for both of you may be to create distance.

Even Jesus modeled this. He loved everyone, but He was intentional about who He allowed into His closest circle. Out of all the crowds, He chose twelve disciples. And within the twelve, He drew Peter, James, and John even closer (Matthew 17:1, Mark 5:37). This wasn’t favoritism but wisdom. Jesus knew that not everyone could carry the same level of intimacy, and He showed us that it’s okay to have boundaries in our relationships.

We also see an example in the Old Testament with Abraham and Lot. In Genesis 13, their herdsmen had a disagreement, and Abraham recognized the tension. Instead of forcing them to stay together in conflict, he suggested they part ways peacefully: “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me… Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company” (Genesis 13:8-9). Abraham still loved Lot, but he knew peace and growth required some distance.

That’s the heart behind healthy separation in friendships. It’s not about bitterness, rejection, or unforgiveness. It’s about discernment, boundaries, and protecting the space God is trying to grow you in.

If you’re wrestling with a friendship right now, ask yourself:

Does this friendship push me closer to Christ or pull me away?

Do I leave our conversations encouraged, or do I leave with heaviness and compromise?

Am I holding on out of love or fear of letting go?

If your answers reveal that the friendship is no longer fruitful, pray for wisdom and courage. Ask God to help you love them well from a distance and to surround you with people who will walk with you in truth, encouragement, and accountability.

Remember this: letting go doesn’t mean you stop loving someone. It means you’re trusting God to work in their life without you being their constant companion. It also means you’re making space for the friendships God desires for you—relationships that help you grow, thrive, and persevere in the path God has for you.

At the end of the day, you may outgrow some friendships, but you will never outgrow God’s love or His plan for your life. Choosing Christ over comfort is always worth it.

So, if sitting at that table keeps leading you into sin, maybe it’s time to stand up, not in pride, but in obedience. And as you rise, trust that God will lead you to a new table, one where you can both give and receive life-giving friendship rooted in Him.

Prayer for you:

Lord,

Thank You for the gift of friendship. Give me wisdom to see which relationships draw me closer to You and courage to step back from those that don’t. Help me love others well, even from a distance, and always choose obedience to You above comfort. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.