When Your Friends Hurt You

We all know that sinking feeling, that moment when your stomach drops because you saw or heard something you wish you hadn’t. While we often associate that kind of heartache with romantic relationships, it happens in friendships too.

Recently, I posted something on my story and noticed it was shared with one of my friend’s friends. This person doesn’t follow me, and I don’t follow them, so I knew it didn’t just pop up randomly. My heart sank. I had a strong feeling about what might’ve been said behind my back, and it hurt. It hurts when the people you hope would cheer for you might actually be mocking you.

That night, I sat with my emotions. Instead of reacting, I began writing; journaling my thoughts and praying that God would give me clarity. The next morning, during my quiet time, I read a devotional on forgiveness. And every time I brought the situation before God in prayer, I heard the same whisper in my spirit: forgive.

Forgiveness can be one of the most misunderstood commands. It doesn’t mean you accept harmful behavior. It means you no longer let that behavior or person have power over your heart. It means choosing not to dwell on the hurt, but to move forward with grace.

Scripture repeatedly teaches us about forgiveness. One powerful example is the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18:21–35. In it, a king forgives a servant’s massive debt, showing him incredible mercy. But that same servant refuses to forgive a fellow servant who owed him much less. The king is heartbroken by his lack of grace and holds him accountable.

Jesus shared this parable to remind us that just as we’ve been forgiven, we’re also called to forgive. Unforgiveness can quietly root itself in pride, keeping us stuck and distant from the grace God freely offers.

Truth is, we’ve all been like that unforgiving servant. We’ve held on to grudges, replayed offenses in our minds, and stepped away from friendships because of our own pain. Sometimes, yes, distance is necessary. But often, we walk away not because of deep harm but because of a moment of gossip, a breach of trust, or a misstep made out of weakness.

Our instinct when things get tough in friendships is often to cut ties. Maybe it’s out of fear, pride, or self-protection. But what if we paused and asked God to search our hearts instead? What if we asked why we feel so quick to disconnect, instead of acknowledging that our friends are just as human and flawed as we are?

I say this often, but it’s worth repeating: two things can be true at once.

You can be hurt by a friend and still love them.

You can forgive someone and still hold them accountable.

You can confront someone and still support them.

That’s the tension, and the beauty, of real friendship. It’s not always neat or easy. You’ll let each other down. You’ll get it wrong. But don’t forget, God has forgiven you for things you might struggle to forgive in others.

I may never know what was said in that DM. But if I held on to every time a friend hurt me, I wouldn’t have any friends left. Grace is what holds relationships together… not perfection.

So, if you’re hurting today, if a friend has wounded you know this: your pain is valid. But don’t let it harden your heart. Don’t act from anger or say something you can’t take back. Take a breath. Take it to God. And when you’re ready, choose forgiveness not for them, but for your own heart.

We are all human. We will make mistakes. But what we do after the mistake is what matters most. Love your friends. Forgive them, even if it’s in private prayer. Do it because you have a Good Father who forgives you daily.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:32